Watching Daniel Bloom

New Years Resolution: Recording the Good

Posted on: January 17, 2012

I realized the other day that I’ve been writing on this blog since 2010. Since it’s now 2012, I’m officially in my second year of blogging *gasp*.  From my perspective, that’s a pretty long time to stick to something like this on a reasonably (aka at least once a month) regular basis.  And then it struck me how much I really love writing here, and how much I want to continue doing this…but (there’s always a but)….

Looking back, and reading my posts, it’s really kind of sad…they’re all so deep, and heavy, and full of angst. Now, to be fair, they are all also incredibly honest. I spoke from the truest place in my heart and last year was a genuinely tough year (to put it mildly).  For me, each and every one of those posts was like having a huge, enormous, blabbering cry, and it was rewarded with all of these amazing, loving and caring virtual hugs. So it was raw and cathartic and therapeutic all at the same time – and it went a long way in carrying me through the toughest moments.

But the time has come to stop being so damn SAD all the time.

So this post is about a commitment that I’m making to myself – a commitment to looking forward, and to seeking out the bright moments, and recording them as diligently as I have recorded the tough times.  I will continue to update on our progress here, but I have resolved that 2012 will be a year with more happy posts than sad ones. I am, in effect, turning over a new leaf.

Part of this is driven by the fact that I am acutely aware that anything that goes online has the potential to live on through eternity, and if my children ever have the chance to look back and read this online diary, I want them to have the complete, balanced picture. I want them to know there were many, many, many good times as well as some tough ones, but we got through them all.

But the other driving force is the fact that I’m facing  a new reality with a new perspective. The reality is, Daniel is improving and he’s starting to talk and seek out social opportunities; while the challenges are not gone (severe echolalia, behavioral issues, sensory processing concerns and serious receptive & expressive language delays), they feel manageable in a way they didn’t before.

The perspective is, well, it’s just that – perspective. After over a year of living in what amounted to a continual state of low-level panic, I’ve come down from the ledge and reached a place of peace. It’s not that I think that “this is all going to go away”, it’s that I’ve realized that it’s going to be OK, regardless of where we land. And with that perspective comes an ability to stop and smell the flowers, enjoy the good moments, and stop worrying about what it all means.

So enough of that, and back to my resolution to be more positive. I’ll start with this.

Today, I was awoken by the most awesome thing…Daniel, standing at the side of my bed,  with a big grin, saying “Hi Mommy!”. When I responded with an equally effusive, “Hi Daniel, good morning!”,  he responded, in the most natural way, “Goo mawnin!” And I did what any mom would do – I grabbed him and hugged him and squeezed him tight and said, “Oh Daniel, I love you”. And as if all that wasn’t good enough for one morning, he responded with a “Wuv u do,” looking right in my eyes, with a goofy grin. In our world, that counts as a full-blown conversation – and that’s huge.

I think this may be one resolution that will be easy to keep.

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