Watching Daniel Bloom

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see?

Posted on: July 26, 2011

I haven’t posted in a while – largely because I decided that we all needed a break from that subtle, but powerful, ongoing stress that had become such a constant part of our daily existence.

It’s a bit like water torture, really. I truly think that worrying about your children is the most painful, insidious way possible to break a person down. And I needed to shut it all down for a while, for everyone’s sake.

A big part of that break involved me stopping my nightly computer time – researching and writing – thinking and rethinking – about what is going on with Daniel. Not only that, but my work has been very busy and it’s required a lot of my attention. So I’ve enjoyed the break from my personal stress, while at the same time jumping in to a bunch of other, work-related stress.

But today, I thought I’d post an update, because it’s been bothering me that I’ve left things hanging here.

The funny thing is, the fact that I was able to put the “Daniel things” aside for a while, and switch over to worrying about work, speaks volumes about how well he is doing. After all, over the last (almost) year, it didn’t feel like an option for me. I was so consumed with Daniel,  and his health, that there was no room to take on anything else “extra”.

So the fact that I’ve been able to  let go is huge.  And it’s been good for all of us. I can’t even tell you the peace I feel when I say that I finally, honestly and truly know and accept, that Daniel is going to do what he’s going to do – when he’s ready.  In the meantime, we are providing him with all the support (and therapy) we possibly can to give him every chance to succeed, and meet his potential. And that – along with my unending love and support – is as much as I can do for my precious little man.

Honestly, I know that nothing we’re doing is making any drastically life-changing difference – he’s going to be who and what he’s going to be – but I can’t help but wonder if he’s been waiting for me to finally relax and let go. Over the past few weeks, Daniel has continued to surprise me, making huge strides forward.It’s all relative – he remains nearly one year delayed in most milestones – but his progress is undeniable.

He moved up to the senior preschool class a week ago, and he continues to go to school each day with a smile on his face. They have adjusted the rules for him in some areas, but for the most part, he’s “keeping up” with the support of his amazing teachers. And he’s talking more and more each day.

I can’t always put my finger on it – it’s hard to explain the progress. But tonight, when I read, “Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see?” with Daniel and his sister,  and I listened to him follow along, giggling and anticipating the next page, participating and trying to keep up with his older sister, while “repeating” the words in his own special way – looking to each of us for approval….well, that’s what I’m talking about. It occurred to me that this is what it feels like when most parents read to their two or three year old. And I felt so lucky to finally feel that.

Brown Bear, brown bear, what do you see? I see my little boy, finally, finally,  looking right at me.

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