Watching Daniel Bloom

Smug Moms and Amazing Teachers

Posted on: May 3, 2011

Today, after a crappy night with 4 of us “sleeping” in one bed and Daniel doing his insomnia routine, I woke up feeling defeated. Daniel was grumpy and so was everyone else and it was raining – again. On top of all that, when we arrived at school, D decided that he wanted a “cu-up” today (aka coffee shop visit), and he was not going to take ‘no’ for an answer. Since we were already running late, I dragged him, kicking and screaming into school only to arrive at the elevator at the same time as two other mothers who have daughters in Daniel’s class.

As luck would have it, these happen to be two absolutely lovely, adorable, agreeable, “perfect” little girls, and I have no doubt that Daniel has bitten at least one of them, at least once (we’ve had some issues on the biting front). I’m also sure that those very verbal little girls told their mothers who was doing the biting, and that those mothers, in turn, probably don’t think much of my antisocial, play-in-the-corner by himself, “violent” little boy.  At least, that’s what was going through my head as they coo’ed over their respective little girls (ignoring Daniel, his sister, and I like we weren’t sharing a 4’x4′ elevator) while chatting about upcoming birthdays and all the other things that are so important when you have a perfectly healthy, milestone-meeting child.

To be honest, it made me sick to my stomach, and angry, and sad, and I was overwhelmed by the feeling that it was  all too much, and all just too unfair. Seriously, the worst thing ever is seeing other parents look at you with disgust as your child acts out, while you stand there not knowing which impulse is greater – wanting to crawl into a hole and hide – or lash out, slap them across the face and say “It’s not his FAULT and it’s not MINE EITHER”.

Well, today, those smug mothers got the best of me today and took me down, and brought me to floods of tears as I drove to work. And the rain kept falling, and kept reminding my how I really wasn’t coping as well as I pretend to, and how I really do wonder how we’re going to get through all this without falling apart ourselves.

But then…just when I thought I was at the bottom of the bottom…I got home to this email from Daniel’s teacher:

Hi Victoria,

How are you? as you might already know, Daniel had a great day today. He was sooooo happy. I think that him and i were probably too loud at nap time (lol).. waking up the toddlers and stuff…oops. We just couldn’t stop laughing with each other! He really enjoyed making (and eating) your mothers day gift today, as well. He says its “YUMMY” . I hope you find it yummy also!

Your an awesome mom. I know that it isn’t always easy, but you sure don’t go down easily! lol. for example, the drama this morning. In my opinion, and i think Daniel would agree, that you deserve 2+ “sweetest mom” bouquets instead of one.

I thought I would just send you this quick note.

p.s. if you haven’t received your gift yet (perhaps dad is saving it for Sunday) well…….pretend you didn’t hear it from me!!! oopppsss lol

🙂

And I cried again. And cried, and cried. And that is why I have faith. Somehow, when you need it most, one of your angels comes along and picks you up. And that’s what happened today.

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2 Responses to "Smug Moms and Amazing Teachers"

Reading your post made me think of situations I have been in when others mom judge me. We can’t always be strong and keep the “face” that nothing hurts us. We hurt like everyone else. What I found amazing is your courage to share your feelings with the world when of course it would be easier to keep our feelings bottled up and not show we are human. You are human and have lots of support. If they don’t get what you’re going through, then screw them. They don’t deserve your attention.
I absolutely love the letter from the teacher. What a great way to add some sunshine to a gray day. My tears are shared with yours along with a smile.

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks Susy – your words mean a lot. I know that there are times when the “sideways looks full of judgement” from other moms are probably in my head, but there are far too many times when I know they are not just my imagination. It’s exhausting to have to explain why my little guy (who looks so much older than his age as it is) can’t answer a question, or responds with screams instead of words. But you are right – the people who don’t understand do not deserve my energy or concern…I’m much better to focus on the many people who do care.

And yes, we are so so so fortunate to have the most amazing teachers. A day does not go by that I don’t thank the heavens and the earth for them!

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